Healthy Masculine Chat
Disclaimer: I'm just a guy sharing what he does to try to be a healthier person. No certificates or nothing. Do what you want to with this chat, but please consider the words. Much love.
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Hey there, friend. Pull up that chair for a second and let's chat. I've got a cushion around here somewhere for it if you’d like.
Anyway, there's something I wanted to talk about. There's a phrase I've heard before called “yucking someone's yum.”
Yucking someone's yum is when you shoot down or slap around someone's likes and interests because they're not yours. It’s not what you like so you decide others shouldn’t like it, or you belittle them for it.
Sometimes we do this without really noticing. Sometimes we try to do it in a joking manner. Trying to make others laugh. Sometimes people are just downright mean.
But you know who isn't laughing, might be pretending to laugh, or just internalized they can't express what actually makes them happy around you? The person whose expense that joke was at.
I'm not going to sit in my rocker and and pretend I'm some kind of angel. I'm far from that, my friend. I've been the asshole whose made that joke. I'm the person whose had those jokes made about him. It sucks. It sucks to have those jokes pointed at you. It sucks to see the pain lance through someone's eyes when you find out you didn't make them laugh, but hurt them instead. If making someone hurt was your goal, I hope you really read this.
Hopefully it's an easy fix. Start with an earnest apology. “Hey, I'm sorry I said that. I meant it as a joke, but I see it wasn't funny. I won't say something like that again.”
And then here's the important part. Here's what makes an apology real and not performative; actually don't do it again.
It's not cool to decide that what someone likes isn't cool because you don't like it. I grew up with that mentality. I was raised to think that it was the manly thing to do.
If I watched a show, a movie, listened to music my old man didn't like, I heard about it. “This music is gay. What are you listening to that for?” “Men don't watch that shit.”
I internalized that. I talked to myself like that. I talked to others like that. I thought I was cool. Thought I was manly. This was my old man teaching me like this, after all. I thought he was the man. Life and figuring out how I want to be treated taught me was the asshole.
So instead of being self-centered jerks, people that elect ourselves the cool authorities, let's actually be cool instead. Let's let people like what they like. Support your family, friends, and coworkers in their likes and interests, whether you like them or not.
Because it doesn't matter if you like it or not. They are them, and you are you. Keep it that way. Support that.
Instead of trashing someone, use it as a connection point, a growing point. “Oh that's really cool. Tell me more about x, y, or z.” Because even if you don't really care, the way that person is going to feel around you is worth it. That's a big part of being a healthy male, a healthy anybody. Be someone people feel safe around. Be someone people want to be around. Be someone people gravitate to.
I would rather make a friend than make someone feel bad about themselves.
That's all I wanted to talk about today. Thanks for the chat. Come on. Help me pick these raspberries before we head in for the restaurant shift. Watch out for all those little thorns. They're not bad, but they're prickly little buggers.
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